Thoughts This Week

March 2, 2009 - 5:21 PM

This week, I have been trying to nail down some thoughts so that I could have something to write about when I sit down to blog.

This is what I have come up with...

First of all: I attended the Environmental Law Conference this weekend because it was required as part of my Salmon and Society class. As I stood in the room that was full of environmental intellectuals and law students, I took note of how much goes on outside of my realm of consciousness on a daily basis. The conference was discussing the use of wave energy and the surrounding policies as well as the effect it will have on stakeholders.

I looked at the speakers and saw them as people-people with families, hobbies, diets, and plans. Yet, they were continuing to serve this movement toward sustainable energy. One of the women had a wedding ring on, and I caught myself wondering how her life is constructed, given that she is a director of a major environmental project as well as a wife, and maybe mother.

It also got me thinking about my chosen career path, and I began to wonder if I was doing enough to make a difference in the world. See, I have never been one to say, "I want to make a difference." I think it is egotistical by nature to want to "make a difference." If one wants to advocate for animal rights by saving sea lion populations, great, but having the purpose of one way or another "making oneself known by ‘making a difference'" is inherently selfish.

Anyway, I realized that making a difference in wave energy is not what I have set out to do, and that is okay. My personality and field of interests do not encompass the needs of coastal populations and promoting sustainable energy. This would make me feel a little ashamed if I did not simultaneously realize that, thank goodness, there are people whose lives do center around these purposes, and that is how they want it to be. It makes them happy to focus all of their energy on these issues, which someone has to do because these topics are important.

Having entertained these thoughts, I spent the rest of the weekend enjoying my own company. My boyfriend went to Washington State University to play a rugby match, so I spent the weekend doing homework and seeing a few friends. I spent a lot of time alone this weekend, and it was fun because I noticed myself being okay with the life I am leading.

I feel like I am making responsible choices without missing out on fun and excitement. I like the relationships that I have and the work I am doing. I suppose this is what they call self-actualization, which probably cannot be a constant state of being, but for now, I am experiencing a little bit of it.

I notice that my life has taken me places that I never thought I would go. The person I am today is so foreign to the person I was before I went to boarding school. As a teenager, I spent a lot of time fighting with my parents, getting in trouble with my friends, and experimenting with different personality types. I suppose I am still developing my personality, but I think it is a lot closer to where I will settle in.

However, this self is not something that I am constantly conscious of. I am so busy that when I recognize a moment of self-recognition, I am taken aback, and it is a moment of serenity for me. But I think the absence of frequent personality issues like those I experienced as a teenager is the real serenity. It might be a little more subdued than those fleeting moments of self-actualization, but it is serenity nonetheless.