Things My Mother Taught Me

November 23, 2008 - 8:00 PM

So, I have taken it upon myself to start doing the Christmas cookie distribution now that my mom can't anymore. When I was growing up, she and I would bake several kinds of cookies, wrap them up, and send them out with my dad who would drop them off to family friends. She also always made sure to send out greeting cards to family and friends. The house was always elaborately and elegantly decorated with lights, nativity scenes, stockings, angel's hair, mistletoe, and the most magnificent Christmas tree known to man. It would take her an entire 12 hours to put the tree together. She was so particular about it that for the most part, no one was allowed to help. This was the kind of wonderland that people see in the movies, and it is one of the best parts of my childhood. I am planning on writing a book someday called, "Things My Mother Taught Me," and it will no doubt contain some extensive coverage of her ability to make a fantastic home with her decorations.

My mother is ill now, however. She is bi-polar and has been recovering for about two years from a set of manic episodes that have left her feeble in every way. My parents are divorced, but my dad is heroic in a way that most people could never dream of. Of course, he is someone that you would see in the grocery store or at the bank - just a normal guy. But he has spent the last two years making sure that my mom is taken care of. He has taken countless trips to make sure that she sees us regularly, brings her down to Eugene so that they can see the school from which they both graduated, takes her brother with cerebral palsy out to dinner and takes care of some of his household needs. The ways my dad has catered to my mom's many needs is really awe-inspiring, and even though my dad isn't perfect, his willingness to serve her after all of the turmoil speaks volumes about his character.

It is funny how our family dynamic has panned out. My childhood was spent in a volatile family setting. But after I got back from boarding school, my family had separated and I was living with my dad and his girlfriend at the time. When it was time for me to see my mom, however, we found that my parents found a different kind of relationship. My mom was grateful to him for all of the wonderful things that he did for her, and he knew that she was changed and needed to be treated with respect. Eventually, the three of us became a family of three who all lived separately because I went to school, my mom lived in Long Beach, WA., and my dad lived in Portland. Although my parents aren't together, we all have a relationship that gives each of us what we need.

When we visit my mom, we get to go to the beach and walk our family dog that lives with her. We go to our favorite restaurants that my mom doesn't really go to when we aren't in town, so that is a treat for her. Long Beach has some fun festivals that happen during the summer, so a lot of the time the town will be bustling with tourists, which makes the rainy, northwest coastal town less depressing. When she comes home to Portland, I get to take her to our athletic club where my mom can relax in the hot tub and sauna. It makes me feel good to treat her to this because I know that she has seen so many hardships in the last few years. I want to ease her pain as much as I can.

When they are down here, in Eugene, we get to walk the campus with our dog, and I introduce my mom to the people I know. My parents like to walk around and tell stories about the people in the classes that they had in the buildings that we pass, and then we sit down at a restaurant near campus and talk about all of the things that my boyfriend Collin and I are doing and learning.

Being in Eugene is really nice because I feel a connection to my parents. I know that they are familiar with the things that I am doing, which makes me feel really supported. But I also feel like I am carving a new path without them. After my childhood, developing an independent adulthood is really important to me, and the U of O campus is the perfect place for me, personally, to do that.