People Are Ridiculous When They Are Drunk

May 31, 2009 - 1:31 PM

This week, my friend had his birthday party in our living room. He had a few friends over, and they all drank. Because my boyfriend and I are non-drinkers, we were participating but sober enough to listen to all of the crazy stuff that came flying out of people's mouths when they had too much.

Here are some examples:

One girl said:
"Since the seventh grade, I have been opposed to ephedrine." While this may be, it is silly to think that a 12-year-old is socially conscious enough to know about, and contest the use of ephedrine. But in her drunken stupor, she was adamant that, as a 7th grader, she was "deep" enough to care about such things.

One guy said:
"I am sadly to say that I am yes." This was said fluidly as though it made sense. There were no pauses or interruptions-just strong, assertive hand gestures to accompany it.

Then he said:
(To me, Whitney) "I know that you think I am drunk, Nicole... but I know that your name is Stephanie...." On the face of this, it is absolutely incredible, but I have known and had classes with this guy for two years-let alone spent the whole evening together before he started drinking, at which point he knew my name well.

"My limit is 0 times negative 10"-enough said.

"I'm one-fiftieth percent Vietnamese."-this guy's math got worse with time.

"What is this?" he said as he wiped the paper towel in question all over his face.

"There's some drops of water on my shirt!" This is somewhat normal, but he was baffled by this-so much so that he was yelling and gasping, and his eyes were popping out of his head.

"Whitney, I will not rememorize your name in 20 seconds." My dear friend Chris said the word "rememorize" about 15 times that night.

Needless to say, we walked Chris home, laid him on his side (Supervising Alcohol Drinkers 101: they may choke on their expulsions if you do not lay them on their side), and set his alarm for his midterm in the morning. He was fine in the morning, but I have never heard such silliness in all my life!