Girls' Night

April 4, 2009 - 2:50 AM

Tonight, my journalism friends and I shared a wonderful evening of gossiping, watching chick-flicks, eating cheese and drinking wine (Fre non-alcoholic wine for me). It was really fun to spend time in a non-classroom setting with the girls that I know primarily through grammar tutoring sessions. We discussed all of our intimacies with our boyfriends while laughing about the disgusting details that we probably shouldn't have shared. But connecting with girls in a friendly setting is a release that I never want to lose.

When I grow up, marry, have a career and raise kids, I want to make time to laugh raucously with my girlfriends. I want to be able to express my loud, somewhat vulgar personality with the ladies who love me for it. It is fun to hang out with girls because I always seem to catch them off guard. Most of the girls that I hung out with tonight know me as their grammar tutor from fall term, and they don't expect to see me letting loose and being unprofessional. But now that I am not their TA anymore, they are my girlfriends, and they get to see one of the sides of me that I take most pride in: my loud, crass, comedic side. (My other favorite side is the studious, professional one.)
Jessica did my nails, which is so great because I never have the time or the patience to do it for myself. I always feel like my time would be better spent studying. So her pampering me was really nice. Plus, she and I are always so busy with our extra-curricular activities and our school work that it is sometimes hard to find time to just be girlfriends. Much of our time together is spent on two-minute phone calls between classes to plan for a study session later in the day.

But tonight, I learned even more about her than I already did. She and I met here at the U of O more than a year ago, and she has become my best friend. I love her. She is not the kind of girl that is going to tell me what I want to hear. She tells me when I am wrong, and she gives me the harsh truth when I need to hear it most. She holds me to the high standards that many girlfriends let slide because they don't want to lose acceptance. Jessica is not afraid of that. She cares more about my well-being than about her own acceptance.

I think that she is the best friend that I have ever had. It is true that I have been much more emotionally engaged with other girlfriends in the past. I have definitely felt closer and more comfortable changing in front of other girls than I am with her. But from time to time, she and I connect on a deep, best friend level. And more importantly, Jessica's integrity makes her the best friend I have ever had. She always does what she says she is going to do. True, she is terrible at making plans, but she doesn't claim to be good at it. When she says that she is going to do something, she does her absolute best to try to make it happen. She also is willing to say that she doesn't like something or doesn't want to do something even if it is going to disappoint someone else.

This approach to social situations caught me off-guard the first time I saw her turn me down for a "hang out." I couldn't imagine turning someone down because I just didn't feel up to it. And if I did, I sure wouldn't be as honest as she is. I would have found another excuse about having to wash my hair or delousing my goldfish.

Soon, however, I realized that Jessica was not rude in her plan rejection. She was respectful of herself. She knew that she didn't feel like being around people, and she understood that it was okay to feel that way. Since I realized that this was her purpose, I was able to give her more space when she needed it, and I was also able to put the same approach to practice in my own life.
Jess has taught me a lot about self-respect and maintaining high standards. The other day I said to her, "Well, when I feel bad about overdrawing my account, I realize that adults I know still do it, and it doesn't make me feel as much like a child." And she said, "Just because other adults do it doesn't make it right."

I couldn't believe how silly I had been. Of course it doesn't make it right! OF COURSE NOT! But it was an easy excuse for me to be lazy, and because I look up to my dad so much, I guess it hadn't registered in my mind that something he does could be immature.
So Jessica taught me something that I may not have heard anywhere else. Mind you her sentiment came from a comparable financial situation to my own-she's not perfect for God's sake, but she helped us both to decide to make better financial decisions and not to make lame excuses for ourselves just because we can.

If she hadn't said it, I don't know who would have. I really value her friendship. She has been more consistent with me than any other girl I have ever known.

Thanks, Jess. You truly are the best!