End of Summer and the Beginning of Cloudy Days

October 2, 2009 - 10:00 AM

This summer was not one of freedom, adventure, or romance. It was not mischievous, and it wasn't the time of my life. This summer, however, was wonderful in an unforgettable, uncommon sort of way.
This summer, I went to Sacramento for an internship in something I know nothing about. I lived with friends of the family in a beautiful home with every amenity. I had a gym membership and a few friends too.

Nothing truly groundbreaking happened during this time in Sacramento, except the realization of the need for independence. It was fun listening to the kind of music I wanted to listen to, going where I wanted to go, seeing the movies I wanted to see. Much of these things I did alone because I wasn't catering to the needs of my family, friends or boyfriend. I was just me in a new, safe, and beautiful place.

I turned 21 this summer. I have been sober for more than 4 years, though, so it wasn't terribly exciting. A few girls from the office and I went to a few clubs that we got into for free because one of us had a friend who did marketing for the clubs in downtown Sacramento.

My boyfriend spent the summer studying abroad in Argentina. It was also a great opportunity for him to be independent for a while. And when he came home, he flew down to Sacramento to come see me for a week. It was great to have him back.

It was interesting to see the end of the independence that abruptly careened back into my life. It was time to start watching guy-flicks again, listening to weird David-Bowie-esque ‘80s music that I can't stand, going to the gym at a time that doesn't conflict with the time Collin wants to eat dinner. This part was hard to take, it was annoying. I wanted to be alone again. I wanted to have my time again.
But love is inconvenient like that.

It comes and stays whether it works with your plans or not. Collin is the most wonderful, loving, hilarious, brilliant, warm, gentle, masculine, best friend in the world. He and I would do anything for each other, and we found each other too soon. But here we are, getting to love and enjoy the lives we have converged. It is wonderful and helps me to live less selfishly. 

Independence is important, but patience, selflessness, generosity, and humility bring more fulfillment than convenient scheduling ever could.

After two months in Sacramento, I went home to Portland, where I spent my days catering to other people's needs. I fixed up my grandmother's condo, had a garage sale for Collin, ran errands for my dad, and lived with others as my priority.

In return, I got to spend time with my family and friends and feel great about helping them out.
Now, I am back at school with more time to focus on myself. Collin is busy during the day, and so am I, so we get to spend time apart, enriching ourselves so that when we are together, we bring more to the relationship.

I am taking only a few classes, working for the Transfer Seminars, making new friends-even as a senior, and loving my new apartment.

I love school. I am sad that this is my senior year, but I am soaking in every moment. This part of my life will be one of the most self-actualizing. And every time I think about it, I will think about the U of O.