Age and Relationships

March 25, 2009 - 6:00 PM

My dad and Collin and I made it out to see my mom in Long Beach, Washington, today after an entire term without visiting.

I always like taking road trips with my dad because I always get to hear his perspectives on things that are going on in my life. There is a particular way that parents have of caring enough about their young-adult children to invest energy and interest in the goings-on in their lives without becoming fully emotionally invested. It is a way of caring that concedes power to the young adults while realizing that this part of their lives will pass, and that soon the current events in their lives will not carry as much weight.

It is with a hint of nostalgia that parents converse with their young-adult children in settings like these. For instance, my dad always likes to hear about my girlfriend's majors and life choices. Inevitably, he finds a story in the archives in his memory that directly relates to the things my girlfriends and I are experiencing. He recognizes their significance to us, but helps me to realize that they are only passing problems.

During this particular discussion, my dad, Collin and I talked about how age differences affect the well-being of relationships.

One of the girls who lived in the same dorm as I did last year moved in with her 30-year-old high school track coach, who moved to Oregon after my friend turned 18. Now they are planning to get married and live together away from their parents in Vermont, where "people just don't understand."
When this topic comes up, I am quick to judge my friend's relationship, but then I think about my relationship, which is very loving, I realize that I wouldn't want people to look down their noses at it for any reason. Love is love. Right?

Well, maybe not.

My dad was able to contribute to this conversation because he spent several recent years in a relationship with someone at least 20 years younger than he is. According to him, his relationship was strained because of the age difference that left him and his girlfriend with little in common at the end of the day.

I was left with an appreciation for my relationship. Thank God I do not have to deal with being in love with someone twice my age. But then again, I don't want to be too judgmental because love just may be love.