Wayne Gretsky's 3D Dodgeball

Trafton B.

January 31, 2011 - 8:39 PM

Earlier tonight my quest for the coveted ‘Intramural Champions' t-shirt was renewed as my friends and I took to the dodgeball court clad in an assortment of high tube socks, goofy t-shirts, and a signature headband with the words "Bad-Ass" written in black sharpie. We channeled our inner passion for class N64 video games and entered the winter tournament as Wanyne Gretsky's 3D Dodgeball team, a rag tag group of guys with nothing but hopes, aspirations, and a desire to hurl fireballs just like they taught us middle school gym class.

After meeting at home and rehydrating after a long day of school we headed to the Rec Center for our first match against Team "High & Tight," a tough first round opponent to say the least. Their neon tights, bright shorts, and tie-dye tank tops were certainly intimidating, but it didn't keep us distracted for long. They won the first two games in close battles, the first in sudden death overtime and the second with a dramatic catch to ice the game. We were in an early hole; one more loss would have sent us home early, but it was far from over.

The third game wasn't looking good when we were down to one man, Steven, alone against four menacingly colorful opponents. The first one knocked himself out by stepping over the line. Steven knocked a second one out and caught a ball that sent another to the sidelines and brought Winston back into the game. Somehow we managed to turn a 4-on-1 into a 1-on-2 and Winston ended it with a cannon to the guy's chest. We were still alive, but hanging on by a thread.

Game four was much of the same. This time Ross was the last man standing, but only with two left on the other side of the court. After a minute of stagnant battle he managed to knock one out, but it left him at center court, ball-less and vulnerable to attack. He backpedalled as fast as he could as his opponent charged to the line. The ball whizzed by Ross' ear, while it soon became clear that the throw had put a little too much might into his follow through. He teetered along the center court line, barely keeping his toes on his side of the court until he finally lost his balance and stepped over. It wasn't a pretty victory, but it did send us to a Game 5 rubber match. We'll take ‘em where we can get ‘em.

The final game was absolutely no contest. We killed them. They made it interesting for a few seconds, but we had them down to three guys in less than a minute. The turning point was when I was hit in the head by a liner that knocked me straight to the floor. I looked up to see the red ball floating upwards. I turned over, reached out with both arms, and snagged it just before it hit the ground. What could have been the beginning of a disastrous downfall turned into a miraculous catch. After that it was down to two against our full force of six, and it was all over when I pegged the last man standing in the leg as he fell shamefully backwards to the unforgiving wood floor. Game, set, match in a classic come from behind victory.

The second match of the night, well, I wish I could say it ended in victory as well, but we dropped like flies in three games. I'm not even going to disclose their name due to it's cleverly vulgar content. Plus, I'd rather just forget the second half of our evening anyways.

Wayne Gretsky's 3D Dodgeball is 1-1 and we'll continue our quest to the top next Monday night. It's not going to be easy, but I take solace in knowing that every team makes the playoffs. There is one thing that we all learned tonight, and it's the realization that we should have started playing intramural dodgeball a long, long time ago. Dodgeball is way too much fun.