A Colossus Pizza in Honor of Jack Bauer

Trafton B.

May 24, 2010 - 10:24 PM

Tonight - Monday May 24, 2010 - marks a historic moment in our nation's television history. After eight long seasons/days, we say goodbye to Jack Bauer and "24" forever. Jack Bauer has selflessly protected this nation by diffusing nuclear bombs in Los Angeles, taking down Mexican Drug cartels, fighting off warlords in Sengala and escaping Chinese prison camps. We owe him our absolute gratitude and in order to honor his service, my roommates and I ordered (and successfully polished off) a Colossus pizza from Pizza Pipeline.

In short, the Colossus pizza is one thing everyone that lives in Eugene should put on his or her to-do list. It's Pizza Pipeline's signature 26-inch, absurdly large pizza, and it never fails to disappoint. Let's do some math - 26 inches in diameter is a little more than 2 feet, which comes out to approximate 531 square inches or 4.3 square feet of delicious marinara, mozzarella and pepperoni.

WARNING: Do not attempt to finish the Colossus without a minimum of five eaters. Four is doable for self-proclaimed gluttons. I've heard of three people finishing a Colossus, but that is the stuff of legends. They were experienced professionals and I assure you that they regretted it for the rest of the night.

We had about six and a half hungry college students feasting around the table as we eagerly watched Jack Bauer expose Russian plots to assassinate Islamic leaders.

As most family style meals work in college houses, everyone bolted out of the gates. With so many people I was a little bit worried as a third of the pizza disappeared almost instantly. When I stared down my first thirteen-inch slice, however, I felt reassured. The first one slid down with no problem. The second one was slightly troublesome. Ten-minute break. The third slice got the best of me. I finished the first half took a bite of the crust (the best part) and gladly passed it off to Winston. It was exhausting. Looking at the empty box, I wasn't sure if I'd eaten a pizza or taken a mild sedative. I did stop short of my roommates, though, who looked like they'd been hit by tranquilizer darts.

We finished just minutes before the end of the two-hour series finale. The last shot on the screen showed Jack looking wistfully into a faraway satellite camera. We figured it was symbolic of him looking up to the heavens before having to flee the country, but from our perspective it looked as if he were staring at our empty pizza box and wishing he'd gotten a slice. After all, the man hasn't eaten in twenty-four hours!