The Joy of Babies and Breaks from School

Lynae N.

April 12, 2010 - 6:34 PM

I got to see my niece yesterday at my parent's house. I hadn't seen her since Christmas and I am blown away at the difference I see in her from visit to visit. She is six months old now and doing all of the cute miraculous things that babies do. I had so much fun engaging with her in her world, listening to her excited laughter at being held up so her feet touch the floor, being able to sit up, and tasting mashed avocado for the first time.

I definitely needed the break from school work and it was very refreshing to be around such pure joy and innocence but I am feeling the pressure of not getting more done. I have to keep going back and reminding myself that I do much better when I recognize my need for rest and allow my body a chance to slow down. I cannot afford to push it too hard and crash. The problem is, there is a part of me that is convinced that I won't get everything done if I allow myself breaks. Balancing this can be tricky because the anxious voice of the can't get it done part of me keeps me from getting real rest when the more self-care parts of me kick into action.

I don't have much to say on the matter other than to just put out there that the nice balance I've maintained this past academic year is feeling a little impossible and I still want to be able to stop and appreciate moments like watching Baby Bumblebee (As I've come to call her) discover life. I don't want to live this whole term the way I did when I got to see Bumblebee. I drove up to Salem with my daughter and husband, tired and preoccupied with all of the work I should be doing, when I knew it was impossible for me to type and drive at the same time. Already a bit frazzled and tired from not getting enough sleep or eating lunch as the result of some sickness I've been fighting, I was eager to play with the baby. To my dismay I learned that my brother and sister-in-law ended up being delayed at a friend's house they stopped at along the way. They wouldn't be in Salem for four hours, making their ETA 8:00 pm or later. I was so frustrated because I didn't bring any homework with me and I didn't have the time to wait around all night. I was already crashing but the second that beautiful little bundle of joy came through the front door all of my frustration was lost and I was so glad that we went and that we were able to stay and play for awhile. My day would not have been more productive if my attitude were different, but I know I would have had more fun and would probably been a more fun person to be around if I had kept myself in check better. Lesson learned and I am aware of my mistake and hope not to make the same one again. I can't ruin my rest and need to take time to enjoy my life outside of school too.