Oh Baby!

Lynae N.

October 4, 2009 - 9:35 PM

This weekend I was torn. 20 out of 24 of us left for San Francisco to attend the national American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) conference. This is the epitome of a therapy geek fest and it is such a rare occasion to have the conference so close and so accessible. But I didn't go. No, I made the decision quite awhile back to not attend because my brother and sister-in-law were scheduled to have a baby on the 3rd.

I am so glad I made that decision because on the 1st at 2:15 am my brother became a daddy for the first time. He and his wife had a beautiful baby girl, Beverly Samantha Doak. She weighed in at 6 lbs 5 oz and is perfect. I was lucky enough to get to make the 5 hour drive and see her with my parents and my own baby girl, Shae, who is 9. My husband, Brian, wasn't able to come along but he ended up getting some much needed rest and a chance to do hour upon hour of homework for his own classes.

This was Shae's first experience to get to hold a newborn and she was so excited. I was amazed at how well she did with such a delicate new baby. She was very gentle and made sure to support her head and rocked her side to side in the cushy office chair in the living room of their small apartment. Shae kept smiling and loved the experience the whole time until Beverly started to cry. It was instantaneous that as soon as Bev let out a wail that Shae's eyes would get huge and she would look up for the first pair of arms that would take the baby and get her calmed back down.

When I asked Shae about holding the baby on our way back to Eugene this evening she told me it was "weird." I chuckled, a bit surprised at her word choice and asked her why. She responded "because I've never held anyone that little before." Then come to think of it, I don't know if I've ever really had a chance to hold anyone that small either. I've seen newborns and have been able to play with them and even be their Auntie, but I would have to say Beverly is the smallest.

I cried the first time I saw pictures of her. She looks so much like her beautiful parents and I know Daddy is already worried about boyfriends. But I have to say I was thrilled when looking at her pictures I saw her mouth looks just like mine! I kind of have a "thing" about that I guess you would say. Since Shae is not mine biologically, she looks nothing like me and since I have an eerily strong conviction that when I am able to have a baby that it will be a boy and that he will look just like Brian; I loved seeing some sort of similarity in a baby's sweet face.

And talking about that feeling of having a baby, I have been aching for a baby for almost a year now. It is strange how this ache came about. I had no desire to take on a baby and was looking forward to years of infant free life with my husband. Then one morning last December I woke up and BAM! All I wanted in the world was a baby. That feeling comes and goes in waves and it can be very strong at times. After this weekend, Shae is convinced she wants me to have a baby too. :) I have no idea when that day will come, but I can't wait to be pregnant. Hopefully it will happen before I graduate so I can share my joy with ya'll in my blogs.

Now I am back in Eugene, Shae is asleep and concerned about her new set of little girl stick on nails and her after school program that starts tomorrow and I am refocusing back on school after the weekend's excitement. I am so glad I took the weekend and am very excited to meet back up with my classmates to hear all about the conference. They are brining me notes and my professor is purchasing the CD of all the sessions at the conference so I guess I didn't really miss out on the experience. Sometimes I guess you really can have your cake and eat it too.