Let's Talk about Everything Taboo

Lynae N.

April 4, 2010 - 9:47 PM

My final term at the UO is turning out to be a controversial and spicy one. The two academic focused classes my program has this term are Spirituality and Sexuality. Yikes! While I am not necessarily amazed at the diversity of opinions, expressions, and issues with these topics within my cohort, I am noticing some strong reactions in myself that I have to face and work through. At least I am in good company and it seems like most of the other students are feeling the same tension and awkwardness that I am. How funny that at a graduate level with mature adults these topics can still make us all blush and squirm.

The tension is really bothering me though because it is so out of my character. I have no problem addressing sex and spirituality in the room with clients, and I have no problem communicating my own point of view and values in relationships outside of my role as a professional, save for my fellow cohortians. It is a fairly intense experience and I spent my first week of classes tight and fidgety. So I'm wracking my brain to try and figure out what this is all about. Through extensive class discussions, I'm starting to understand where my issues are coming from but don't have solutions yet.

First of all, there is the whole open and embracing atmosphere for diversity in Eugene, more so at the UO, and even more in the Couples and Family Therapist program. This is a noble pursuit; however, I think the balance may be off a bit. It has been my experience that the program and people in it are so sensitive and aware of differences that minority beliefs and practices related to sex and spirituality are almost glorified while dominant or mainstream beliefs and practices are silenced and made into something shameful. One of my fellow classmates described this phenomena as being so careful to be open and non-judgmental that judgment is passes (ironically) onto those who typify a belief or people group they fear will judge. This has been a hard reality for me because my faith is such a strong part of my identity. I am first a foremost a Christian, then a wife, mother, student etc. Most of my classmates know I have a strong faith but they tip-toe around what my faith is. I haven't felt that there has been an opportunity to share this major part of myself with them and for that reason even my friends don't really know who I am. I'm the girl who doesn't drink, party, cuss, and always talks about volunteering, my family, and even church. The conversation stops there.

I've learned to keep myself, not divided, but markedly different in the culture I work and study in. I think another classmate described this experience well also when she talked about the separateness of ourselves and therapists and ourselves as us. There are a lot of similarities but there are differences. My cohort is a group together as professionals and we operate as such; but we are also a group of friends who operate as such. The normal separations are blurred and the mix is confusing and it is frankly muting for me. Now I am suddenly being asked and expected to drop all of that apprehension which has been taught to me and put myself out there in ways I haven't in the two years I've been at the UO. This is a tough request to make and I'm not quite sure yet how I feel about all of it.

I would love to share, but when I feel stressed or tense I loose my ability to formulate coherent thoughts and verbalize them. I've noticed this most in arguments or situations where I've needed to confront someone for hurting my feelings. The tension in the classrooms is the same feeling for me right now and I'm feeling paralyzed. All I can think to do is start singing some worship songs that are floating through my mind, but I just giggle when I think about it.

I'm sure I will work my way through all of this, but it is a pretty heavy task for me right now. Hopefully I will make it through the term without blundering too badly and hopefully my classmates will get to know me in a deeper more real way. I have had fun being a friend in class and to know about the lives of my friends. It would certainly be nice to be in a position to be able to tell them about my life too.