How do I find the time to take care of me?

Lynae N.

October 8, 2009 - 6:05 PM

I have come to be very familiar with the concept of self-care. It seems to be one of the biggest topics us therapy nerds are talking about these days. Basically, self-care is a sanity plan. Our training keeps us busy in classes, with a considerable amount of reading and homework, and thrusts into a professional load that requires us to completely drop all outside stresses and become completely present and in tune with other's worlds and experiences. It is so much fun but it can also be very emotionally draining at the end of the day. It is vital to learn not only how to access resources from within ourselves to help others, but also to help ourselves. This is done through self-care.

You may not have guessed this, but for being someone who spends her time learning to help people reach out and fend for their own needs, I am not really the best at taking the time to meet my own. It's not that I don't know what it is that helps me. I have found that I really like cooking dinner for my husband and daughter. This may seem like another daily chore, another way that I have to give of myself for others. But I really like to give to my family and on those days I feel to brain or emotionally fried, I can slip into the kitchen (kicking them out) and have some time to both unwind and be helpful at the same time. It's fantastic! The more time I need to clear my mind before I hear about all the happenings of a very energetic fourth grade girl's life and an equally energetic fully grown man, I simply make a more complex array of food that takes longer to make. Also, I LOVE running! I am not fast and I can't go as far as I want to be able to go eventually but I still love to do it. I have always enjoyed the "runner's high" but I do even more so now for a few reasons. The first is that my life is stressful and it is a healthy way for me to deal with stress. If I'm not running to de-stress I'm usually eating to de-stress and this has had some negative consequences I have worked very hard for over a year to rid myself of. In fact, I have lost 50 pounds since last summer. This is a huge motivator for running over other coping skills. Second, I am proving to myself that I can do something that I didn't think I could. Now I'm even looking into what it would take to train for a half marathon and then eventually a full marathon. And finally, I am doing something no one else thought I could do when I run. I have had multiple surgeries on my knees for freak injuries and bizarre deformities (I had two knee caps in my knee). I was scheduled to have another surgery, but I decided I couldn't take the time off from school to recover. I am so proud of the fact that I can run. A final helpful thing is to take a mental break from my routine and just get out of town and giggle and be in love with my husband. This is always refreshing and even thinking about it is grounding and calming in a way.

So the big question is, if I know what helps and I know I need to be doing these things then why am I not doing them?!? I have often had to remind myself that I tend to let the urgent get in the way of the important. I schedule meetings and homework time over dinner time and am not with my family then. I either decide I need sleep more than running or decide that homework is more important in the moment. When I am out of my routine, I worry about the routine and it still controls me even from afar. Being in school is such a blessing and I love every minute of it. However, I have to work hard to remember that there is a balance and that life outside of classes is far more important, both in the present, and in the long run. The urgency gets me. I get sucked in so easily.

I love that my professors, friends, and colleagues call me out on this. They don't let me get out of hand. As part of my clinical goals for this term, I have self-care as a major focus and have asked several gals from my cohort to hold me accountable to them. Specifically, I want help getting the regular exercise I love and need and to maintain the healthy eating habits I have spent the past year developing. I have a date planned with my husband ( I get to buy new boots, lucky me) and have been able to create some purposeful and undistracted times with my daughter lately. I am glad I have recognized early in this term how I was letting the urgency overtake what's important. I don't want to burn out and I don't want to neglect my health and the most important people in my life. So I am challenged to keep growing in this area and I am looking forward to the day that I no longer have to consciously focus on it all the time to keep up on it. It's just another skill I am learning.

And I am so looking forward to my date! Thank you Brian!