Flowers

Lynae N.

May 2, 2010 - 9:52 PM

This term has been overwhelming. I feel like I'm running a marathon and I'm entering the last 5 miles and suddenly I'm having to run straight up hill. I know I have what it takes to make it through but I am certainly feeling the effects of being overworked.

For the past week I have been in the HEDCO clinic at the UO or at my externship site for 12 to 13 hours a day. I've been getting up earlier than I prefer, rushing through my morning routine and kissing my hubby and baby girl goodbye at 8:00 in the morning when I am dropped off at my destination for the day. I have spent my days seeing clients, working on my end of the program paper, and squeezing in class reading and other assignments when I am able to. My time is spent working non-stop and I am lucky to get in a full half hour lunch break. I make my way home around 8:00 or 9:00 at the latest just in time to kiss my baby girl goodnight and tuck her in. Then it's time to share my day with Brian and hear a bit about his day before I slip into the office and do another hour of work and pass out exhausted. The alarm goes off too early the next morning and my routine is repeated.

This crazy schedule is affecting every area of my life. I haven't had time to cook and have been eating less than ideal foods that are quick and convenient instead. I haven't been able to run and even my 10 minute mini abdominal routine in the morning has gone out the window. I am feeling lethargic and fat even though I know if anything the decrease in my appetite because of stress is making my pants a little looser than they were before. My daily time with God has gone out the window too and I'm desperately reaching out trying to pick little pieces of it when I can. This is something I intend to change starting right now. I can't keep going with inconsistent weeks where I read my Bible and hang out with God maybe 2 or 3 days. I know I need this more than I do the food and exercise I enjoy. I'd like to eventually work these things back into my life also, but they are not priority.

I've had to sit down and tell my daughter that I am not going to be around much for the rest of the term and that we will have to plan a Mommy-Daughter date when I'm done to make up for me being MIA. As for my husband, I love him! I couldn't do any of this without his support and I have certainly leaned heavily on him these past few weeks. He's brought me my coffee when I left it in the car after he just finished dropping me off and was headed out for his busy day. He has kept the house clean, everyone fed, and has been full time mom and dad with Shae.

I have been feeling off balance and guilty for not being around as much as I'd like to. Brian is carrying such a heavy load and I want to help him out like he's helping me. All I can do is share my appreciation and give him extra back massages when I'm not a zombie. You know what else he did, he had a bouquet of roses sent to me at my off site internship this week. I have never cried over anything as silly as flowers but I did this week. I have been so tired and running off of sheer will power. He sent me those flowers and it was a reminder to me how much he believes in me and it encouraged me when we haven't been able to see each other for more than one waking hour a day for multiple weeks. I definitely caught a second wind with the symbolism of his love and support that he sent to me in a bouquet with a big red bow. I can do this, I'm almost there!