Braindead

Lynae N.

January 31, 2010 - 10:31 AM

I have been pondering what I should write about this week for several hours now. Normally I have a story or two piled up from my week's happenings, but I am drawing a blank this time around. I have been so preoccupied with completing my first of two almost 30 page papers due this term that I feel completely inept to try and sit down and write something interesting for you all.

I'm sure some of you students can relate. There comes a point when my brain just stops and rebels. Sometimes it almost feels like I am hitting a wall. One second my brain is working to full capacity and the next second I'm writing about the roll of the therapist instead of the role of the therapist. I look at the difference and I know something is wrong but I can't for the life of my figure out what that something is. I sat staring at the computer screen frustrated as I tried to figure out what the deal was. Time passed. . . five minutes later, I am still staring at the words on the screen. . . another five minutes. . . and another. I've moved on by now but that typo is still plaguing my mind but I just can't seem to grasp my error. A half of an hour later I finally realize I was talking about a baked good instead of the responsibility of my position as a therapist in sessions with clients. I had to laugh at myself. How silly.

It was a half an hour later and I fixed my mistakes and had finished filling up the last inch of my agonizingly slow writing process when I hit that wall. I managed to do it though! The consequences were pretty high though. For one, I was irritated with the amount of time it took me to finish up what I was doing, I felt ridiculous when I finally pin pointed my mistake, and in the process had raised my stress level to the point where I laid awake for about an hour and a half once I pried myself away from the keyboard with burning eyes and collapsed into my bed in the next room.

I kept dreaming weird dreams that night and none of them were positive. I guess that was a good reminder for me to take that all too precious decompression time at the end of the evening before I go to bed. I had forgotten how much stress affected my sleeping until I tortured myself this past week. As I waited to fall asleep I couldn't help but wonder if pushing myself was worth it. Did I really need to finish that last inch of the page to feel ok to go to bed? Was it so important that I fixed my mistake in that moment rather than waiting for a fresh perspective the next day? In hind sight these answers are painfully obvious and no it wasn't that important and I learned that I need to listen to my body when it tells me I've had enough for the night.

All I can say is thank God I have only experienced this once this year and I am determined to learn from it and continue to improve the way I conduct myself and use my time. Health and balance is much more important to me than reaching arbitrary goals I set for myself. Point taken.