I Like Friends

Lynae N.

December 27, 2009 - 11:24 PM

I don't see my friends when classes are running full speed ahead. In fact, I hardly have any relationships outside of my program and my amazing Mother has been my closest friend outside of my husband and daughter for over the past year. I've lost touch with the vast majority of my social connections and have put making new friends on hold until I am done with school. Being busy has helped and having a beautiful family has helped, but there are time when I long to have a girl's night out or have other like-minded couples to sit around and shoot the breeze and play games with. I've capitalized on the break from classes to call up some acquaintances I'd like to get to know better to start planting seeds for deeper friendships when I'm done with my Masters in June.

 

It is so weird to think I've done this, drop friends. But I have. I've sacrificed a lot of connections that have been near and dear to me and I am in such a strange place of dreading the end of school, wanting to pick up and move for more change, and just wanting to dig in and embrace the friends I've neglected for so long. It was so refreshing to start to get to know some good people and not just play friends in passing chats.

 

And it's ironic in a sense to give up relationships in order to learn about Systems Theory which posits a healthy and well adjusted life does not come from the individual but from relationships and interpersonal interactions. The best therapy is often to know and be known. Friends and family are our best resources and I of all people know this. But knowledge doesn't make relationships easier.They are still a lot of work and they require a lot of time.

 

So it has been wonderful to be a friend and enjoy friends this break and I eagerly await and dread the time when I can invest myself more into relationships and less into school.

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Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday to Me!

Lynae N.

December 27, 2009 - 10:42 PM

I tell you what, this break has been the most relaxing and enjoyable time I can remember for several years. There has been a perfect balance between rest and activity. This has allowed me to completely unwind without feeling bored or frustrated over a lack of things to do. Even with all of our traveling there hasn't been any havoc or mayhem to deal with.

 

We started out by bundling all of us up into our little car with bags and boxes and packages heading for southern Oregon to visit Brian's side of the family. We rolled into town just in time for dinner with his Dad and his wife, to open presents, and play games before crawling into bed. We woke up the next morning and had a leisurely breakfast and headed off for equally enjoyable visits with his Sister and her family and his Mom.

 

Then on Wednesday we ended our time in southern Oregon when we dropped Shae off with her Mom. We walked her to the door and she was antsy as she typically is when she goes for a visit. She always loves and enjoys them, however, she still has a very interesting process leading up to and coming off of visits. Shae was met at the door by her Mom who was carrying a brand new baby puppy the family had just adopted. Needless to say for a little girl who loves her Mom and puppies, her jitters melted away and she was no longer concerned about being away from home.

 

Up to Eugene we went, now without Shae which was the only part of this week which was not perfect. We spent the days leading up to Christmas with my parents and my brother, his wife, and their new beautiful baby girl. What a fantastically fun time! My family is quirky as any other you'd ever meet, but we are one of the healthiest and functional quirky families I've encountered. We watched movies, ate food, walked the mall, and played with the baby. Christmas morning we opened presents and laughed and shared memories about growing up.

 

Christmas ended and the next day I turned 24. I used to hate having my birthday the day after Christmas as a child because my friends were always busy. But what I used to think was a horrible injustice has turned out to be something fantastic. I have a chunk of Christmas and birthday money and after Christmas sales to hit. My husband and I went shopping together this year. We had so much fun and we really got some good deals; shirts for less than $2 and the hottest bright red leather stilettos for $10. Even with these prices we blew through our spending allowance, but thankfully we made a list and for the most part only got what we needed and weren't tricked into buying unneeded items because they were priced well.

 

Now we are back home and we get to pick up our baby girl tomorrow. I am so excited to see her and miss her so much. I started playing some of her favorite music today just because and it really made my heart start to ache for her. I am blessed to get to be a part of her life and blessed to have had such a fun break. I hope your holidays were/are as merry as mine.

 

 

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Disappointed in the University

Lynae N.

December 20, 2009 - 9:59 AM

My experience being a graduate student at the UO has been fantastic. Because of this, I have been pushing really hard for my husband to finish out his undergraduate degree at the UO rather than other local universities. I have been so excited as I've thought about this that I had a whole plan-of-action made for getting him set up for classes and in the running for all of the scholarships he would qualify for.

 

But before we jumped in to the application process we decided to take a day and talk with people from admissions and from the Psychology department. The first stop we made was Northwest Christian University (NCU) where I got my undergraduate degree. We were met with warm smiles, helpful persons, were escorted around campus, and given as much time as we wanted to ask questions. Furthermore, we received a follow-up letter two days later in addition to a phone call from a student who runs campus tours wondering if we'd like to see more. This was a positive experience and I was really just blown away at how the campus has changed in the short year and a half since I graduated from there.

 

Now contrast this to the UO. We went to the main admin office and were directed from one line to another line to talk to someone from admissions. After a few minutes an employee met us and we asked him a few questions about admissions and the Psychology program. He did not know the answer to any of these and instead asked us what my husband's GPA is and if he'd had a college level math and writing class. We gave him the information and he then said he could not help us. We were directed to academic advising and off we went to another office. The gal working the desk barely looked up, there was no line and still we waited. When she finally was able to say hi we told her that we had been referred from admissions and she simply stared blankly at us and said, "We only meet with students by appointment." She then directed us to the Psychology department office.

So we were off again to the Psych building. We got there and made our way to the main office area. We asked the lady at the desk if there was someone we could talk to and she informed us there was not. She also let us know that there isn't even a printed from of the student manual available anymore and directed us to the Psychology department's website for information about the program.

 

Both my husband and I were shocked. We'd spent about an hour and a half trekking from one office to another, putting more and more money into the parking meter, and no one gave us any information. Not only did we not get the information we were looking for, only one person that was there to help us, asked our names and took the time to shake our hands. By the end of our journey we were right back where we started, at the school's website.

 

I am deeply disappointed by this experience. It is so radically different than what my experience has been as a graduate student that was shocked beyond shocked. The impression all of the interactions gave was one of not caring and I didn't get the feeling that either my husband or I was respected or valued. This is quite the opposite of our experiences earlier that day at NCU. I think we've made our decision for his schooling and while I love being a Duck, I am glad that my husband won't be joining me at the UO.

 

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Cookie Monster Draws a Puppy

Lynae N.

December 20, 2009 - 9:59 AM

The term is over and the holidays are here and it's time to have some fun, to read because and only because I want to, and to bust out the drawing pencils before they become completely covered in cobwebs. It is time to sleep in, to hang out with my Mom and Dad, and to call long lost friends. Although this is sometimes difficult for me to do because it doesn't really feel like I'm doing stuff, well academic stuff, I have been able to enjoy myself very much.

 

The first thing I did was bake tons of cookies with my parents, my husband, and my daughter. We made cookie platters with white chocolate covered pretzels, cranberry-orange bread, holiday spice biscotti, gingersnap cookies, peppermint mocha brownies, and frosted sugar cookies. My personal favorite is the peppermint mocha brownies. They are easy too. All you do is take a regular box mix for brownies and add some peppermint flavoring and decaffeinated coffee grounds to the batter before baking. Afterwards, frost with LOTS of chocolate cream cheese frosting and sprinkle crushed candy cane and whole coffee beans on top to make them look festive.

 

I was also able to finish a drawing I started about 8 or so months ago for my daughter. She is obsessed with puppies and I meant to have this drawing done for her by her birthday, but finding time to draw is hard enough without having to worry about keeping the project a secret. But I was finally able to finish it and I am eager to start my next drawing. . . I think it will be a pod of dolphins because they remind me of Hawaii and that's always a warm thought on cold rainy winter days.

And reading! I picked up Prophetic Fishing, a book written by a dear friend Jean Kristle-Blasi, creator of Kingdom Craftsmen Ministries Int.. It is not a book that will feed my mind but it feeds my spirit and it is so refreshing to spend a little bit of extra attention to other parts of me besides my brain. I'm not done with the book yet but I am very much enjoying savoring each and every page.

 

Also, I got to spend both last weekend and yesterday with my parents. I know I'm grown and have a family of my own and I love them very much and am deeply passionate about them, but it is still comforting to be with my Mom and Dad. We all have such fun together and it is great to be able to see them so often and not have to wait two months in between visits.

 

All in all I am LOVING break! I hope your holidays are as merry and as bright as mine. Merry Christmas!

 

 

 

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My Hubby Came to Class

Lynae N.

December 13, 2009 - 10:43 PM

This past Thursday was my last addictions class and my husband was the guest speaker. I am absolutely 100% proud of and in love with this man. He is incredible and every time I hear him share his story I am reminded of the fact his life is nothing less than a miracle. There are a thousand and one times at least that he should have ended up dead in the life he used to live. Brian is an encouragement to everyone and his life gives hope that people can change.

 

Addictions, as I have said before, are cruel and I have yet to meet anyone who has not been affected by them either directly or indirectly. I am so proud of my husband for his willingness to share the pain of his life with others in order to bring hope and to teach fellow therapists, like myself, how to work with individuals struggling with addictions and their families.

But how funny it is for me to be so proud of him as he shared his story. Our experiences leading up to our meeting were so vastly different that it would be easy for me with my prim, pressed, princess background to appreciate who Brian is now and want to hide the past. But the ugliness of the past is paradoxically a beautiful part of his and our story together. I can't help but wonder though how this adoration on my part looked to my fellow cohort members as they heard Brian share the horrors of what used to be a reality in his life.

I'm hoping to get some e-mails from my classmates telling me what they think and or feel about the experience. I know it was meaningful on a personal level for myself and for Brian and I've heard from my Professor that there was an overwhelmingly positive response. I think it would be neat to hear their reactions directly. I hope I get a chance to.

 

I guess I don't have much to say about this experience, other than to share with you all how excited I am for my husband and how proud of him I am. This class was a lot of fun. Thanks for reading and sharing in my joy.

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