Wrapping up: Part 1

Lynae N.

June 6, 2010 - 8:53 PM

I can't believe I've been writing for a whole academic year. So much has changed and is continuing to change even as I type. I am thinking back across my blogs and am haunted by my discussions about my faith and really believing that God will give me a baby right now. . . I talked about my certainty of being pregnant and sharing that experience with you all before I was done with blogging. I've shifted in my understanding since my overly ambitious writing and want to share a bit with you about where I am now with my desire to have a baby and my faith that God will move in my life to make that happen for me.

 

Just as a refresher, I've wanted to have a baby for a very long time now it seems. I've wanted a baby badly and my desire has brought me to tears on more than one occasion. Then God started talking to me about having a son. He talked with my husband and with strangers even who came up to us and said a familiar line in my life. . . "I don't know why I'm telling you this but I feel God is telling me to share with you that . . .". Time and time again we heard "you are going to have a son". Oh I was, and am, so very excited about this!

 

But I made a mistake. I took that message in my heart and thought that in order to have faith I needed to speak it out and almost prove that I believed it. I wanted a baby so badly I didn't stop and think or ask if this was how I was supposed to handle the situation. Instead I plowed ahead and waited believing (more like trying to force) I'd be pregnant. Every month I waited and every month was more and more crushed when I wasn't. I finally couldn't take it anymore and had a heart to hart with God. This is the point when I recognized my mistake and stopped my ignorant pressing and asked God how to press Him the way He wanted me to.

 

So the result of this readjustment is a stronger faith, one that is rooted in peace and a trust that God will be faithful simply because it's His nature and not because of any display of faith on my part. I look at the timing and all of the stresses of this past term, the changes in my life and in my family and I am glad that I didn't get my way when I wanted it. Of course I would have been nothing but pleased, but one thing I know is God's timing has always been perfect in my life and I don't want to impose my impatience and mess anything up for myself.

 

This may be a strange blog for some of you but I did want to be sure to set the record straight as I wrap up my time with you all. Thank you all for sharing in this journey with me.

 

 

 

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8 bridesmaids one week, 6 girls the next. . .

Lynae N.

June 6, 2010 - 8:26 PM

Oh my goodness! I can't even begin to tell you how chaotic this weekend was for me and my husband. It was our daughter's 10th birthday and we planned a party at the park with her friends and their families from her new school. We really wanted to get to know everyone better and establish relationships strong enough for Shae to have a fun summer full of friends and sleepovers etc. In our brilliance, we decided that it would be fun to invite all 10 girls from Shae's class over to our house for a sleepover after the party. All said and done, there were 6 of them who came and our house turned into a den of sugared up preteen girls with an agenda to run rampant.

 

I learned so much this weekend watching these girls and their social processes. I talked about this with Brian and it seems like every social process and interaction that happens for adults happens for these girls only everything is sped up 10x's over adult interactions. Every little issue that becomes a misunderstanding becomes tears, taking sides, a stand off to see who will be the first one to move towards the other (admitting defeat), they are met with silliness, and suddenly they are best friends again. All of this could happen within a 15 to 20 minute time span. Multiply this by all the combinations that can possibly happen with 6 girls and add in a sugar induced craze and that was my world. Dizzy!

 

But all in all I am glad we made the decision to have them all over. I got a chance to know the girls and their families better as planned and despite their way of working out issues, all of the girls remained friends and had a blast together. Shae had a fun birthday and my husband and I got very hard earned naps.

 

I wrote about my interaction with the 8 teenage bridesmaids this past weekend, and now the 6 girls this weekend. It has been amazing to find myself still standing after all of this! If I had to rate them, I'd choose the bridesmaids over the girls for that long of a time period for one reason; they listen better.The good news is I grew as a parent. I survived the two weekends and have a slower week free of classes with just a few clients to see and finishing up my paperwork for the process of transferring my cases over. Then the weekend again. . . and this one is all about me and my accomplishments over the past two years and that will be a nice change of pace.

 

 

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