Ducks @ Oregon - University of Oregon

Tension Rising

Lynae N.

March 7, 2010 - 9:43 PM

I am a stereotypical female when it comes to talking about problems. If there is something going on that is bothering me, I want to talk about it and feel heard. My husband, acting like a stereotypical male, wants to come in and fix it for me. I react to his attempts to reassure me that everything will be fine by increasing the emotion behind what I'm saying to make sure he really gets it. This sounds negative to him and he gets frustrated by my negativity and the fact it feels like I am shooting down his ideas. I become more anxious and we both distance ourselves until the issue comes up again. Then that anxiety comes back and we just add another layer to our frustration. This cycle lasts until whatever issue is solved or goes away on its own.

Luckily, this has only happened twice before in our relationship. The first was regarding finishing up and mailing out our wedding invitations and the second was around my difficulties finding work the summer before I entered grad school. Well, it's happening again. I'm looking ahead to the end of the program in just one short term and know I have a job search to do. I am one who definitely overstresses things that haven't happened yet, and I can feel myself getting sucked into that place again. I am stressed about finding a job. I am nervous to not be in school anymore, after all, I have gone straight from preschool through grad school without a break in between. My identity is connected to being a student. I am confident as a student because I do well and have a certain level of expertise in the whole process. I feel like I am graduating from the top only to go back to the bottom in a new arena. I keep thinking about Finding Nemo with all of the fish he shares a tank with in the dentists office. All they want is to get out of the tank and into the ocean. They work hard, scheme, and plot plan after plan. These fish work so hard and finally make it to their destination, each in their own individual plastic baggies. The scene ends with all the bags floating up and down in the seemingly endless waters of the ocen and one fish looks at the others and says, "Now what?".

There is so much focus on getting done with school and moving out into the ‘real world'. Now what? I am so nervous! I don't want to go through the same cycle with my husband that I have before with this type of dilemma. I'm glad that he and I aren't ones to yell or put each other down in any way. But going to bed knowing there is a wad of tension there around this touchy issue is like having a giant pink elephant between us. This, you can imagine, is not pleasant. I have to laugh because this fear of my process is only adding more stress to my overloaded mind. Bagh! This is silly and pointless.

I'm not accomplishing anything by worrying. I have several challenges for myself in this situation that I'm coming to in my mind as I write this. The first is to just breath. The second is to make time to take time alone with God and ask Him what I should do. I'm learning how important it is to act out of a place of peace and confidence and not out of pressure, impulse, fear, or any other state of being. I'm learning how important it is to s l o w d o w n. That's another challenge. I also want to be focused on being more positive with Brian and not turning to him with my concerns and anxieties. It doesn't do anything but give him anxiety and increase my own. I need to run it all out of my system, literally. I am inexpressibly grateful for the weather becoming nicer. I would be a mess without my runs.

I have complete faith that this will all work out. It always does. Often, it is miraculous and I know that I can turn to my list of "anti-anxiety meds". Here are a few excerpts from what I consider to be my medications.

"When I said ‘my foot is slipping!' Your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul". Psalms 94:18-19

"Anxiety in the heart of a man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad." Proverbs 12:25

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lore, and whose hope is in the Lord, for he shall be like a tree planted by the waters which spreads out its roots by the river and will not fear when heat comes, but its leaf will be green, and will not be anxious in the year of drought, nor will it cease from yielding fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-8

"If you are then not able to do the least, when are your anxious for the rest? And do not seek what you should eat or drink, not have an anxious mind. But seek the Kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you." Luke 12:26, 29, 31

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The Running Shoe Saga: Part II

Lynae N.

March 7, 2010 - 8:58 PM

For those of you who may not have read my last blog about getting new running shoes, here's a brief run down of where I left off last week. I have had the same running shoes for two years. They were totally worn out and not very useful anymore. I got new running shoes and was really excited about them. I went for one run in them and completely soaked them in muddy guck when I stepped in a hidden puddle. I wasn't happy and had to run home in soggy sloshy black tar colored shoes that were white when I got them. I made quick work to get them cleaned up, scrubbing and soaking them over and over again. They came out looking pretty good and I set them under the counter by the heater to dry. I decided I would use my old running shoes the next day to go for a jog since I was pretty sure these would still be wet the next day. My husband, being the sweet guy he is, decided to wash my old shoes for me too, since we were in the washing shoes mood. ? I then had two completely wet pairs of shoes and nothing to wear for a run. So Brian suggested I hang the new pair up on a beam above the heater to dry them faster over night since heat rises. I did just that. . . and that's where I let off last week.

I woke up the next morning ready to go for a run. I walked out into the kitchen and found my shoes sitting on the counter, dry, with my husband standing next to them. "They melted" he said. "they what?!?" I replied. Yup, during the night my shoes then slid down the beam and rested just inches from the heater (Thank God they didn't touch the heater and ruin it, or even worse, start a fire). They were ruined, this time for good.

My hubby felt bad for suggesting the idea and was able to take them back to the store and return them while I was in class all day. I was shocked they took them back and I guess they did without any question or hesitation. There was a problem though, the store didn't have any more shoes in that particular style in my size. Brian found the equivalent in a different color however and brought those home to me at the end of the day. Yay! I told you I had the best husband in the world!

A few days later I was able to take my second pair of new running shoes out for their debut. I am pleased to report that everything went fine. I didn't run into any puddles and didn't melt them on my heater. I'm really happy that the weather is cooperating more and more for running. It makes such a huge difference in my day, my ability to be productive for classes, and my energy level to run. I'm currently doing about four miles a jog and want to bump it up to five for this next week and keep working myself back into shape.

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Running Shoes

Lynae N.

February 28, 2010 - 10:12 PM

This was the weekend that my daughter went down to visit her biological mom in Southern Oregon. I love her dearly but I also dearly love my date weekend with Brian. We have a fantastic routine of me getting up early in the morning on Saturday to go to my internship and have a few sessions with clients then come home as Brian is just waking up on his cherished day to sleep in. We then both take care of any pressing homework or projects that we need to get done and by the afternoon we are completely done with school, volunteer work, ministry, and any other obligations. We make ourselves be done whether or not we are done.

This Saturday was no exception. We met up in the afternoon after our mad dashings all morning and had delicious veggie sushi for lunch. Then we decided to take advantage of the warm sunshine and hike one of the local trails in town. We weren't the only ones with this idea. I tell you what, I have never seen a hiking trail so busy before in my life! Oh but it was fun and I could not have asked for a more beautiful day to go. Brian took his fancy camera and took pictures over every buzzard, bug, and interesting patch of moss he could to get the practice. I kept having problems with my shoes though. I wore my running shoes, the same ones I've had for two years, because I made the dumbest mistake and left my hiking shoes at Starbucks a couple months ago. My poor shoes were so worn out that all of the tread was worn off of the bottoms and I half walked, half slid back down the muddy trail.

I did manage to make it home without falling on my butt, and Brian and I decided to go see Avatar in 3D. I had heard of the movie but haven't watched it yet. We headed off to the mall and when we got there Brian dropped me off in front of the sports store and told me to go in and pick out a new pair of running shoes while he parked the car by the theater and bought tickets. This was such a sweet surprise and is reflected my husband's generous nature that I love about him. So I picked out some new pretty running shoes and we watched Avatar. I was impressed with it. I was nervous that it was going to be more violent and graphic and was pleasantly surprised at the lack of graphic and gory scenes.

We ended our night when we headed back home and made breakfast for a late dinner. I fell asleep and slept sound after having a fun, relaxing, and very very very needed day to reconnect with the love of my life. Then it was Sunday. . .

I got up early to go for a run in my new shoes. Unfortunately, that delicious dinner that I ate way too late on Saturday night came back to haunt me. I headed out for my run and my stomach was screaming "I hate you" with every step I took. I had to stop and walk often to settle it back down. I was also adjusting to the new shoes. They felt great but they were quite different than my beat up old shoes and my legs were worked differently. After fighting with my legs and my stomach, I decided to head home early and on my way stepped in a nasty deep puddle and soaked my pretty new white shoes with sloppy brown mud water. I ran and walked the rest of the way back home in soggy shoes that squished when I stepped. It was less than an hour into Sunday and all of the warm fuzzies of Saturday seemed like distant memories.

Thankfully, my day turned around and it was very nice. I got my shoes cleaned up and they are drying by the heater under the kitchen counter as we speak. It is so funny. I completely messed up my new running shoes and was so sad to think I couldn't go for a run tomorrow on my homework day, but then I realized I would just wear my old ones. I was happy again when I thought about this, walked back out into the kitchen and found my husband, being the amazing thoughtful sweet man that he is, laying out my old running shoes next to my new ones to dry. He had taken the initiative to wash the mud from Saturday's hike off while we were in the shoe washing mood. I had to smile to myself. He is such an fantastic guy. I really do have the best husband in the world. I just hope I have a dry pair of running shoes to use tomorrow before I sit down to hours of homework and go into a busy week when I can't run.

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Note to Self, do not eat Salads on Interviews

Lynae N.

February 28, 2010 - 9:20 PM

This weekend I went to a Beginning Careers conference through the College of Education at the UO. I went to a session on the process of applying for a teaching/professor position in the university system. I certainly learned more than I anticipated. I had no idea that there was such a microscope on applicants.

Dean Michael Bullis (Dean at the College of Education) taught this chunk of the conference. It was my first opportunity meeting Dean Bullis and I was very impressed with him. He shared several unknown insider tips on the whole process from searching out a job to negotiating the terms of employment within the Academy. For instance, when you apply for a position (not job) as a professor, you will be provided with two meals a day by the university interviewing you. Apparently it is not good etiquette to order a salad at an interview meal. Never let food get stuck in your teeth, eat quickly in small bites, and if you can't do that then don't eat at all. You should keep track of every scholarship, grant, and GTF position you have received in the course of your schooling. Interviewers will look at these, look at the prestige of them and judge you based on what type of funding you have received. Although, there is a note of caution around funding that comes from outside of the university. If you receive too many scholarships, grants, etc. you are seen as greedy and not taking your academic experience seriously. Also, your vita or vite depending on what type of information you are giving, should be as long as possible. Dean Bullis gave us all a copy of his vita and it is no joke. This thing was at least 20 pages long.

I learned about college classifications and what it takes to get a position in the different classifications. I was surprised to learn that if I wanted to take a position as a professor in a Research 1 university or a top nationally-ranked university like the UO it would be poor judgment on my part to apply at or work for a university in a lower bracket. I guess the changes of getting a teaching position in a higher ranked university becomes next to impossible if you do.

I realized that this whole process, while it sounds interesting and like a fun challenge, is not what I want to dedicate myself to. I would have to plan out my every career move and be ready and willing to pick up my family and move us anywhere in the country that a position or opportunity might demand. This isn't my main focus in life. Yes, I want to teach in a university, and yes I want to eventually get a doctorate. Who knows, maybe in my natural interest and pursuits I will end up sitting in line for one of these positions, and if that happens, great, but I won't be heartbroken if my career doesn't move in that direction. I'm much more content to follow a less pressured career line which would allow me to invest more of my time and myself into my family.

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Spoons

Lynae N.

February 21, 2010 - 9:47 PM

I heard this great story about spoons in class the other day and was hoping to send you all a link to the website so you could read it for yourself but the website is under construction and the story isn't accessible right now. I'll do by best to sum up the gist of the message but you should definitely check back for the full story.

Sometimes we struggle with things in life that are or aren't visible to others. This can look like sicknesses, disabilities, life struggles, or just stuff. We only have so much energy to put out towards the demands of a normal day. Some of us have a sufficient supply of energy and others of us have to plan our time and budget our energy even if that means not getting everything done we need or would like to. Sometimes this means missing out on activities we'd really like to do. This can be a hard truth but the truth remains that we only have so many spoons. . .

Spoons represent our energy and resources at the beginning of a day. Say you have 12 spoons to spend on a normal day. Getting up and getting ready for the day might take away a spoon. Getting your kids up for school and out the door might take another. It's only 8:00 am and you are already down two spoons. Plan your day wisely. Once your spoons are gone, they are gone. You cannot get more unless you take spoons from the next day, at which case you will start out the next day behind. If you want to have some fun in the evening, you'll have to pass on getting groceries. If you get groceries then you won't get to socialize. You have to decide and spend your spoons as best as you can.

Others may not understand. They may judge how you spend your spoons without truly understanding. So explain your situation to them. Hand them a bouquet of spoons and begin to take them away as you explain your situation. They might understand a little bit better. Maybe you do have an invisible illness or disadvantage in one way or another. Maybe life has you in a place where you only have 10 spoons when you would normally have 14. Maybe you feel like you need 20 spoons (all you students out there!) but you only have 12. We are no strangers to the difficult situations our limited number of spoons places us in. Starting out the day with an awareness of our spoons and our demands helps us balance our lives in the healthiest way possible given our unique situations.

I know for me thinking of my life in terms of spoons opens me up to give myself grace to not have to be so productive all of the time. I can only do what I can do and that's ok. It is better to only do what our spoons allow rather than taking out of tomorrow's, the next day's, week's, month's, or year's spoons. I really can get some of these things done tomorrow. This has been a good lesson for me regarding my life but also when looking at the lives of others and having compassion on them. They have their spoons to manage the same way I do. We all deserve a little grace.
This is spoon theory in a nut shell. Please check it out for yourself!

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