Oh No! Crisis......of Me?

January 6, 2010 - 4:13 PM

Wow it is totally only Wednesday, the third day back to school, and I'm already overwhelmed. You see I have so much going on and I don't seem to remember which was is up right now. My biggest stress and biggest problem is the lack of funds right now. I really can't afford to go to school anymore. The sad thing is that last year I could just say that I really couldn't afford out of state, but would somehow figure out a way to make it work. This year though I can't even afford in state almost. I mean I could make in state work, but holy cow man. It is so expensive to go to school anymore. I just don't know what to do. Do I drop a class and try to find a job through school (in addition to this amazing blogging job of course!) and spend time actually searching for and working on scholarships (that are national of course so lower my chances of getting because I'm not some crazy genius)? Do I just take my sixteen credits and do all that? Do I do sixteen credits and just use my extra time to work on scholarships? Am I going to have extra time to work on scholarships after all my schoolwork, whether it is 16 or 12 credits? Do I have to give up my weekends on it? I just don't know!

Then there is the problem of me not really, honestly, truly having a break since before starting college. Here is a quick (although it is kind of lengthy) rundown on the last few years of my life:
October 2005- hosted an exchange student for a month, February to June 2006- work at Papa John's, mid June to mid July 2006- spend a month in Germany with hosted exchange student, mid July to mid September 2006- work again at PJ's, mid August to beginning of February 2006-host another exchange student, September 2006- quit PJ, end of Sept./beginning of Oct. to end of December 2006- work again at PJ, February to end of August 2007- I was an exchange student in Germany, September 2007 to February 2008- work again at PJ, February-September 2008- quit PJ and start working at Hollywood Video, September 2008 to June 2009- freshman year of college and started blogging, summer 2009- internship, September 2009 to present- back to school and blogging again.

All of this doesn't include all the homework I had throughout high school and college either or all of the side projects and meetings I had for my internship, blogging, and this year I'm a member and officer in NSCS so I have duties for that as well. So you see how I haven't really had a break. My breaks have consisted of stressing over the money I don't have and a lot of the times trying to do stuff for my internship this summer. Somewhere in there I fit a personal life (although very small). I'm so overdue for a break. I mean Mexico was an awesome break, but it wasn't long enough. Arizona was also awesome and relaxing, but I did plenty of stressing while I was wandering the desert. I need (and quite honestly deserve) a nice long break with no stress (HA! Wouldn't that be amazing?).

So you see my problem now is what do I want? Do I want to be in school or do I want to take a break? Do I want to work? Do I want fewer credits? Do I want a second job? Whew. You see...a crisis of me. I don't know what I want anymore.

Well that is a lot to take in and I actually feel slightly drained after that. Things feel and look different when it's all written out. So until next time...