Some Days are Hideous

Korrin B.

December 29, 2008 - 9:27 PM

Some days it's hard to think of something to write. I want so bad to just write about flowery, glittery things that make people happy when they read them. I've thought about it though and I am under the assumption that this blog is supposed to be an eye into the life of a real college student. Therefore, I think it can be unfettered with artificial potpourri and fruity scents. Welcome to the life of a real college student. We all have moods of existential angst at some point. The truth is that not all days can be rainbows and sunshine. There are days when you wake up and you just feel like this, like I do right now. This blog is my dedication to those days when, straight from the beginning, everything is just awful. It's hideous. It's bad. It is a dedication to those days when no matter how hard you try, you just can't pull yourself out of your bitterness toward everything. Everything. It is a dedication to those days where you stop trying to pull yourself out of the bitterness because you're so bitter that you've convinced yourself that all you want to do is wallow in angst and despair.

There are days when I come into this café to write my blog and I just feel great. I slowly sip my chai tea, savoring and enjoying every spice. I let its warmness continue to heat my already radiating soul. This is not one of those days. Today I have been at this café for probably no more than twenty minutes and I am almost done with my chai tea because I don't care. I just want to drink it, chug it down. Everything is hideous, so my chai tea is nothing special and I don't care. Not to mention that I'm pretty sure my bad attitude is making my chai tea get cold faster than usual.

I went to bed last night with a plan. My winter break from school is almost over. I'm pretty sure it seems like a week shorter this year, thanks a lot University of Oregon, I sure hope you're making that up to us somewhere. Anyway, I had a plan. I started break with a list of things I wanted to accomplish and I was looking at it and realizing that there's a good chunk still not accomplished in the least bit. So, I had a plan. I was going to wake up at 9:00am (early for me this break, noon is the norm) and get to work. I was going to write a couple of blogs, send some postcards to my friends in Greece, do some other various mellow activities in town, et cetera, et cetera. I didn't hear my alarm go off, so I woke up at 11:30am. By the time I got showered and dressed I had already decided that my day was basically over. I might as well start getting ready for bed. I looked at my to do list and came up with a negative excuse for why I didn't get each thing done. For example, I didn't write postcards to my friends in Greece because I'm an awful person who is bad at relationships and is lazy. Completely reasonable, right?

I forced myself into town to do a little bopping around. I mean, I'm home from school, I suppose I should enjoy my little town while I can. However, I found myself just looking around at all of these awful people walking around like they had things to do and people to see. I'm sure they're actually great people, but not today. Remember, this blog is not about the beauty of life, but rather the days where everything is dark and gloomy. If that's what I want, then so be it! Those people were bad.
However, one blog can only contain so much hate, so I think I'm about finished with this dedication. And, although I hate to admit it in this state, I do happen to be a pretty "glass is half full" kind of person, so, reluctantly, I will end it with this thought. While I was walking around I went past a middle-aged woman with fluffy, dark, afro-like hair. She looked kind of mystical with her long, flowy black coat and her amicable scarf. As I passed her, we made eye contact and she gave me a fabulous smile. I automatically smiled back and you know what? It felt good. People should smile at each other more, I mean, why not? Life is pretty good, not everything is awful. Today was though, don't get me wrong. Bah humbug!