Thesis and Inside-Out Publication updates!

Katie D.

April 3, 2010 - 4:44 PM

Readers, in the midst of the chaos of week one, I have managed to make some real progress on two of the huge, stressful projects of this term. My thesis spent most of winter term in stasis: surrendering to other projects that demanded my time and attention. I got stuck in a place of non-writing, where the 50+ pages left to be written had terrified me into surrender. Turned Inside-Out, the Inside-Out Publication I am creating, however, has sped ahead at a breakneck pace. I will be integrating the publication into my thesis, but the actual work on the two is very separate for me because of the differing style and needs of each project.

Well. On Wednesday I had a meeting with David Frank, the Honors College Dean and director of my internship this year. He has been a fabulous person to work with, both because of his vision for Inside-Out at the university and the Honors College, and because he understands my needs as a student. On Wednesday, we were discussing a new project for alumni of the Inside-Out Program, and he told me I need to stop adding new projects, consider cutting out some activities, and truly get to work on my thesis. Twenty-five pages, with little progress during winter term, was not boding well for a completed project by the end of May.

Now this advice is perfectly sound. It makes sense at every level: I have two huge projects to complete, both have to be of exceptional quality, and there's not much time for either. I have a lot of other things going on in my life, and one could view them as distractions from these larger projects.

Of course, while I see the wisdom in this perspective, that's not really how it felt.

I had a moment of complete panic at the rapid progress of time toward graduation. That feeling that there is not enough time to accomplish everything there is to be done. I HAVE to stay involved with my organizations and projects, because I won't get another chance with these people I love as an undergraduate. I CAN'T give up on these new ideas because this is the moment: this is my life!

So, either in an act of defiance or in perfect accord with David Frank's reverse psychology, I went on a thesis writing binge. Truly. I could describe my work on Thursday and Friday as obsessive. Between the two days, I am now FIFTEEN PAGES further along in my thesis project. I've also reorganized my record keeping, my rough draft, and my thesis files. I have (if I've done the math right), increased my page count by 60% in a mere 48 hours. It can be done, ladies and gentlemen!

To add to my feeling of self-satisfaction, I got together with Madeline last night, and we took all the edited selections for Turned Inside-Out, and put them into a rough order of how we want the publication to look. Now, instead of examining each piece as a single entity to be edited and polished, we are looking at the magazine as a whole.

We have accomplished a rough draft.

We have integrated the creative pieces with the academic ones, moving through the various works of literature and pulling together poetry and letters written by the members of the three different classes. Our final project will be between sixty and sixty-six pages. It will be beautiful.

So allow me a moment of extreme self-congratulation. Progress has been made in a serious way. I feel like I've turned a major corner. If all goes according to plan, our work on the publication will be mostly over in three weeks. If I work on my thesis every day, like I hope to, I imagine a rough draft by the end of April. The remaining two months of college can continue to unfold as I have imagined them: as the final chapter of college, devoted to projects, people, and events that I love so dearly.

Wish me luck. I continue to need it.

PS As a bonus, I want to include to poems that will be in the Publication, juxtaposed beside each other. One is written by myself, and the other by my coeditor, James. One of the goals of Turned Inside-Out is to show our common humanity, both through showcasing the incredible talent of our classmates, and by exemplifying our differing life experiences, but the hope and compassion we still can show each other. I hope you enjoy these!

The Path I Laid

So often as the days go by
you regret the choices made
life then grabs you by the hands
and pulls you down the path you laid.
Who on earth can shoulder the burden
when you see your decisions were wrong
what on earth can ease the pain
when you realize your dreams are gone.
All your life there's been one thing
just one thing in which you sought
and now it forever escapes you
it's possible, it is, but it's not.
Your dream is now your history
a family of your own you may never know
and the only pain you feel is loneliness
knowing your dream will never grow.
And even though you now may know
that trouble again you'd never find
so quickly life just speeds away
and leaves you so far behind.
I'll always watch as the days go by
and regret the choices made
life has grabbed me by the hands
and pushed me down the path I laid.

James (Inside Student, class of 2007)

If there are Answers

If there are answers
they are supposed to be here
residing in text books,
field trips,
faculty.
There are billions of answers
in millions of books
at the library.
There are answers hidden
around corners
and in the free papers.
Answers are shouted
in classes
in fliers
on street corners
in club meetings.
The first thing learned
is that not all answers
are true.
If there are answers,
I can only assume they would be here,
at an institution devoted
to higher learning.
One can only hope they are here.
If there are answers.
Perhaps we are all simply
dancing toward some great
capital T Truth
forever beyond the reach
of human minds.
Searching only for answers
and the small t truths
of our own small lives.
Searching for answers.
If there are answers,
I hope to find them here.
But who,
I wonder,
ever promised me
answers?

Katie (Outside student, class of 2007)