Grandpa

Katie D.

August 30, 2010 - 11:14 PM

My grandfather, my mother's father, had a stroke yesterday morning. My mom is out in Minnesota with my grandparents, which is really lucky. She's with them at the hospital, and it looks like Grandpa will be OK, but it's a scary thing. I've spent today not really knowing what to do with myself, so I've been talking with family when I could, spending a good amount of time praying and sending love their way, and generally trying to be easy on myself. It's a scary thing when a family member is in pain, and it feels like I'm a long, long way away. There's nothing I could do if I was there, but it feels like I should be trying to do something more.

 

My Grandpa John is a wonderful man. I've spent a part of almost every summer of my life out in Minnesota with my mom's family. I spent countless hours in their old barn, climbing the trees, and running around on the hill and in the house overlooking the corn fields. My grandfather is a retired Jack-of-all-trades: farmer, cop, bus driver. My memories of him are of an active man finally taking a break. I remember him in the big rocking chair, him letting me drive the ride-on lawn mower, him showing me the old farm tools in the garage. He has this huge, resonant voice that can shake the table. The house smells like coffee and cooking and wood and age. He wears black suspenders and a series of shirts my mom has sent him for birthdays over the years.

 

They moved into a townhouse in Watertown a couple of years back. The new house smells like them already, but I miss the old farm. But Grandpa's still just like he is: telling his stories, speaking in his slow voice and telling us jokes, and reading his novels in his big comfy chair.

 

I hope things will be OK. I'm sure they will be. Despite being diagnosed with Parkinson's recently, my grandpa is a powerful guy. Strong and determined to stay that way. I've been calling more often, and he's proud as could be of my, my sister, and my cousins. He loves hearing about my Master's program, and about my life out here in Eugene. He tells me stories from his days as a police officer, and updates me about life in Watertown (as small town as small towns come).

 

Update: September 5

 

Things are going much better with Grandpa. He's regaining strength, has been taking off the breathing machine, and is talking clearly (and clearly voicing his desire to return home). He has strong mobility on his right side, and hopefully the left will come back with physical therapy. He has pneumonia, but it looks like he should be OK. His family is there, including my mom, who will be heading back to Colorado soon.

 

I'd like to ask a couple of prayers of you, friends and readers. First, if you're the praying type I'd surely appreciate a prayer or two for my grandfather and my other relatives out there with him, especially my grandmother. If you're not the praying type, then a thought sent their way would be just as appreciated. Second, I made myself a goal on Saturday (that's before Grandpa's stroke) that I was going to try to be in better communication with my family. It can be hard being away from the folks you love, away from giving and receiving the support we all rely on. So I'd ask that you write a letter (everyone loves getting good mail) or calling someone. I'm sure there's someone who needs a call. A letter can be short.

 

This blog is written with love for my grandfather, John Hermann. With so much love.

 

 

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Mediation

Katie D.

August 29, 2010 - 10:25 AM

This weekend and next weekend, the CRES cohort is participating in a mediation training which provides the groundwork for future work in community and law-based mediations.

 

For those who have not been involved with mediation in the past, it is a form of conflict resolution in which two parties (or sometimes more) bring a dispute to a mediator (or team of mediators) and together work out a resolution acceptable to all participants. Mediations occur in a huge range of situations, from disputes in the workplace to roommate arguments, divorce settlements, small claims, and development.

 

As mediators, we are learning to become a neutral third party, able to navigate a dispute between two parties and to guide them into reaching a resolution satisfying to each.

 

It's an intriguing process. Basically, when two people are upset at each other, there is often such a breach of communication that they can't even hear the other person's perspective anymore. The emotions of a dispute get in the way of understanding the immediate issues at hand. A mediator listens to each party, affirming their interests and creating an atmosphere of equal dialogue.

 

It's sort of like a dance. Essentially, you ask each person to share their stories. Then you summarize each story, affirming that their perspectives are heard and valued, but removing the inflammatory language so the other party can access the underlying issues.

We spent the last two days learning the techniques for mediation. These include basic skills like questioning and active listening, as well as specific procedures for moving through a mediation meeting with the parties. We've witnessed demo mediations, done exercises to practice concepts, and held mock mediations.

 

I'm beginning to get the feel for the process and practice of mediation. It has to do with creating a safe space of dialogue, in which the participants themselves can begin to first voice their concerns and then develop their own solutions.

 

I'm not sure this is the area of conflict resolution I will be spending most of my time with. But I can immediately see these skills applying to my own life and methods of communication in the world. I can imagine situations of negotiation and relationships in which this model for resolving conflicts could make an amazing difference.

 

It has been a demanding first weekend in the program, with two marathon days of training. But I already feel I've grown in both practical skills and in self-confidence. Next weekend we will complete the training, and maybe I'll start working with a mediation provider as part of my internship requirement.

 

Regardless, I feel lucky to have these new skills. Transforming conflict into resolution is a powerful and exciting concept. I can't wait to put my mediation training into practice.

 

 

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First week in the CRES Program

Katie D.

August 26, 2010 - 5:47 PM

It's been an amazing first week of school.

 

Conflict Resolution (CRES) has started with a bang with getting to know the other members of my cohort, holding mandatory meetings, and starting with class. We've all started to get to know each other, and to build a real sense of solidarity and group unity, just in this one week of classes. We've also gotten closer and more comfortable with the faculty and staff in the program. Every day I am more impressed with the administration of this program: although CRES is a new program at the UO and there are the inevitable complications, there is a real sense of passion in the administration. The staff is so concerned with our experience in the program, and the faculty are constantly reaching out to make sure we have what we need to be successful students. Ellen and Kata in the CRES office already knew us by name and picture before we even showed up for the first day of class. They work with us for scheduling, planning, and even the minutia of book purchasing.

 

I feel like I am entering this new phase of my academic life with more support and care than ever before.

 

This was our first week of class. Right now, we have only one class: Philosophy of Conflict Resolution with Professor Cheyney Ryan. We meet three days a week for three and a half hours each class. In Cheyney's (he's a first-name-basis kind of professor) class we are learning about the background and philosophy of conflict resolution, and the various ways of applying alternative dispute resolution in various contexts. We are reading legal texts and watching Hollywood films. We are discussing theory and personal stories. It is a perfect introduction to this interdisciplinary field: the beginning taste of the richness of conflict resolution.

 

Cheyney gave us a frame for understanding conflict resolution that is incredibly helpful to me. He explained that there are two basic ways of understanding it: pragmatic and visionary.

 

The pragmatic approach is based in the legal history of conflict. Basically, there are certain areas of conflict that are best resolved outside the court room. Issues dealing with human emotion, such as family law, are not well-resolved by a judge, but rather by the participants themselves. Another approach is that the court system is so overwhelmed by small claims that a more expedient and rational way of dealing with small claims is to settle outside of court.

 

A pragmatic view of this field leads to mediation (family mediation, small claims, business, interpersonal) and a continuing relationship between mediators and the legal system. Basically, the system works but can be improved with some alternative dispute resolution methods.

 

Visionaries see conflict resolution as a way of re-inventing human interaction to eliminate violence as a way of resolving conflict. This idea comes largely from a religious background, and is associated with the Civil Rights movement, with Gandhi, and with modern movements for peace and social justice.

 

Visionary individuals would work in restorative justice (working with criminal law), environmental law, and other sweeping reform groups. Visionaries would see the system itself as broken, and that the techniques and ideology of conflict resolution being a new model of human interaction.

 

I have so much left to learn.

 

As we discuss questions of history, of individual perspective, and basic theories, I am learning more about myself and about my classmates. Cheyney encourages an introspection uncommon in my experience: that we are integrating the material learned with our own view of society. My fellow CRES students are interested in a huge range of fields, from business mediation to law to environmental policy to education. There is a place for us all within this field. And our class discussions are immeasurably enriched by these exchanges together.

 

I can't wait to hear more. To read the homework and see myself and my ideas within the pages. To have my views challenged and broadened. To hear Cheyney frame this program, and to see my peers broadening my aspirations.

 

We're all in this program together. Visionary or pragmatic, regardless of area of interest. We're at the table together, sharing skills and ideas.

 

It has been an amazing first week. Busy, full, challenging. Just how I like it.

 

 

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Madeline

Katie D.

August 22, 2010 - 10:49 PM

In less than six hours I will be in the Eugene airport, bidding a temporary farewell to one of my best friends as she heads off for a four-month study abroad in Northern Ireland.

 

Madeline and I have been friends for the last year. We were classmates in Inside-Out last year, earning us the unlikely term "old prison buddies." Since then, we have not only become great friends, but partners on a variety of projects. We worked together when Sister Helen Prejean came to campus last year. We wrote newspaper articles and project proposals. She helped me through the emotional roller coaster of my thesis. We were partners in editing the Turned Inside-Out magazine. We worked together on the Serbu Inside-Out book club. We've been to concerts, academic events, camping trips, fund raisers, and a selection of Eugene's best restaurants together.

 

She's all I could ask in a close friend, a working partner, and a confidant.

 

This will be her senior year at the University of Oregon. She's spending fall term in Northern Ireland, working on research and internships relating to the troubles there over the last few decades. This involves helping individuals fleeing conflict (or actual threats) in the Protestant/Catholic divided neighborhoods. She'll also be working with youth, to help allow future generations of the community to find common ground rather than learning the divisions of the present.

 

As always, I am excited and inspired to hear about the study abroad options my friends choose. It seems like an incredibly opportunity to me. She'll learn about conflict resolution and divided communities by being present in one of the most interesting ongoing ethnic conflicts in this century. I imagine the places she'll go and the experiences she'll have. This is travel at its best: the ability to both explore a new country and to experience things beyond the range of tourism and outside of the average experience of locals. I can't wait to hear the stories, see the pictures, read the newspaper clippings she's promised to send. We'll have skype dates, lengthy emails, and possibly the occasional text message.

 

Still, I'll miss my friend. I've seen her almost every day in 2010. Plus texts and phone calls. She's part of every bit of my life, either as a central participant or as a constant and compassionate listener. I can't even imagine my prison work continuing without her, since she's been such a central part in the leadership as well as in working through the emotional parts of the experience.

 

So I'll be going to the airport at 4:45 am on my first day of grad school classes to see her off. I've written her a letter to take on the plane. I'm remembering my own departure for study abroad, and imagining my future adventures. She's in this moment right now, starting some new fabulous part of her life.

 

I sent her with my favorite quote of all time: "Tell me, what is it that you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" --Mary Oliver

 

Obviously, Madeline is living her life as wild and precious.

 

 

 

 

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CRES Orientation

Katie D.

August 21, 2010 - 11:23 AM

Yesterday was my first day as a graduate student.

 

Classes start on Monday with a month-long introductory course on the philosophy of conflict with Professor Cheyney Ryan. Then, the last week of September, we begin with our full time courses. But yesterday was the first official day of the program: Cohort Six Orientation.

 

There are twenty-seven Conflict Resolution Masters students. We're the sixth full group to go through the degree program, therefore CRES Cohort Six. Yesterday we met at the UO law school, where the program is housed, met the other members of the cohort and our various professors, support staff, and directors of the program. We went through the schedule for fall term and the outline of the remaining year and a half. We discussed our internship requirement and the terminal projects.

 

We've started.

 

The other students in the program are incredible. It's an interesting combination of people who have already worked in mediation or conflict situations and those who have no previous experience. Some already know exactly how they will apply the skills learned, and some have no idea. There are only seven men in our group of twenty-seven, which is different from previous years, and our group is younger, on average, than the previous cohorts. Four of us are recent UO grads, and four more are from the Eugene area.

 

Going around the group to hear everyone's interests was the best thing we did yesterday. Conflict resolution is an interdisciplinary field, with influences from psychology, criminal justice, business, environmental studies, etc. People are interested in sport conflict resolution, in working with youth in legal trouble, in developing new mediation models for NGOs. Our group includes many travelers, and many who are interested in traveling again with these new skills. Some are interested in law school. Others have a wild look in their eye of infinite potential and absolutely no concrete plans.

 

The other amazing thing about the orientation was that every member of the faculty, staff, and administration was so incredibly helpful. These people want to make the experience comfortable, inspiring, and personalized for us. We have access to the Law Library, to tech support, and to a career services adviser who works solely for the CRES program. Someone came to talk with us from the financial aid office, and previous students came to share about scholarships and GTF positions. Two people presented about internships: one who is the support person for the program and will work with us in the selection and accreditation process, and Professor Shaul Cohen presented about internships available in Northern Ireland and Israel/Palestine.

 

This next two years are going to be a series of adventures.

 

Then, to finish the day, we had a dinner together at Professor Micheal Moffitt's house. My fellow students brought their partners and their children. We are a combination of newlyweds, heads of families, and young singles. Our meal together was wonderful and strange: the exciting process of getting to know a completely new group of people who we will be spending endless classroom hours with over the next year and more.

 

I'm so excited about this start. My cohort is great, and the professors are such wonderful and inspiring people. First day of class is Monday morning.

 

I'll be keeping you posted.

 

 

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